Dear Recruiters…

It’s not you, it’s me. I’m an asshole…I know this. I come from a long line of assholes: my father before me, his before him, and I’m sure all down the line back to my roots in the frozen wasteland of Northern Europe.

Look, I know you have to meet goals. I understand you have to make sure I and my kindred spirits have the skills you need.

But let’s be honest for a second here. This is a terrible sales strategy.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret…

Come closer…


Whoa, whoa, whoa, too close! Personal space is a thing, man!

But I digress. I don’t give a fuck what you need. It doesn’t make any difference to me; either I can do the work (and I’ll work with you to move forward) or I can’t/don’t want to, and I won’t.

Do you know (or want to know) what does matter to me?

Four questions. That’s all I care about:

  1. What are you planning to pay me? Let’s be honest, if we can’t meet here we’re both wasting our time. Help me help you. If you can’t meet my threshold, that’s totally cool, no harm, no foul. If I charge more than you can or want to pay, I get it. I’m not for everyone (just read this blog and you’ll know that). Let’s save time if we’re not gonna meet on this point, letting you get in more calls (and hopefully more commission…I’m all about everyone coming out ahead financially). I’m not stuck on an hourly wage, either…let’s build win-win-win situations, so you, the client, and I all feel like we’re fairly compensated and get what we pay for (I pay, too: in time, not money).

  2. Can I work remote? I’ve spent a lot of time commuting in my life. I’d really rather not.

  3. Can I set my own hours? I’ve spent a lot of time getting up at 5 AM to commute to an 8 AM job. Some days I kill it waking up at 6 AM and some days I need a couple extra hours’ sleep, and kill it til 2 in the morning. I’m inconsistent, and while that’ll probably come home to roost in 20 years, in the meantime, it’s what works for me.

  4. Can we set this up as a corp-to-corp? This makes my accountant and lawyer happier. Corporations carry liability insurance. Everyone is protected, everyone wins.

We all want the same thing…a fleet of exotics in our driveway and lining the street. Let’s get out there and get that horsepower!